Ode To A Washer and Dryer

In honor of my first semester of graduate school being over I thought I'd share the first assignment I turned in for one of my writing classes. We were told do a fake translation of a Vietnamese poem. Everyone wrote these very "deep" and "meaningful" poems. I wrote mine about wishing I had a washer and dryer.

Ode To A Washer And Dryer

Oh how I long for a washer and dryer.

I would wash my clothes all day long

And my sheets

And my towels

And even the dirty bathmat by my tub,

Which never gets washed and is no longer

White, instead a shameful gray-brown.

Oh what a joy it would be

To never visit a Laundromat again

And wash my underwear next

To the homeless people washing their blankets.

Drop off your clothes, pick up hepatitis!

All for only six quarters to wash,

Four quarters to dry.

Bones

Ten minutes after Mickelson won the Masters, his caddy, Bones, was still crying.

"This is way beyond golf," said caddy Jim "Bones" Mackay, who's been with Mickelson for 19 years. "This is about a guy who loves his wife. This is about a guy who had a really hard year. Twenty years from now, nothing will compare with this. This is his greatest win, by far. Because of Amy, because of his mom, everything. God bless all those women that go through what Amy and Phil's mom have gone through. Because I've seen it and it ain't easy."

Trying To Get Phil To Sign My Tallboy, The Riv, 2008

Me In The Pink, Phil In The Black, 1st Hole, 2004 Masters

The Augusta National Power Walk

Because there is no running allowed at The Augusta National some (very dedicated, or, still drunk) fans line up at the gates as early as 4 am so they can "power walk" to put their chairs down on their favorite holes (16, 12, 18, for instance). Click below to watch a video of me reporting for Sports Illustrated from the 2008 Masters about this phenomenon.

http://www.golf.com/golf/video/article/0,28224,1729624,00.html

A woman out for a run who can't hear her Blackberry ringing in one hand because her ipod is too loud in her other, and only becomes aware that her phone is ringing because a crossing guard outside the church near her house taps her on the shoulder (while she is jogging in place) and tells her so. That woman might have been me.